Dear Chausey,
I’ve worked as a teacher at my school for eight years, and after much finessing to get my current spot, I'm now teaching my third year of 4th grade students. This was always the age I wanted when I got my Master's degree 20 years ago, and this year's class is my favorite yet! Some of the other students I see in the halls I’ve taught in some capacity every year that I’ve been here. My day to day life is probably the most balanced I’ve ever had and I’m entirely fulfilled professionally. I highly value feeling like a committed member of the community, my peers are fantastic professionals, and I am one of the longest serving faculty members. I can walk to work in just 15 minutes, and my husband and I run into families all the time that I’ve known for years - they are like extended family. These are the things that make my job so meaningful for me.
So. What’s the issue? The Principal of my school. She has total control of everything at the school; she takes advice from no one and fires people when she’s finished with them, or the ones who follow the rules and act as whistleblowers. She has her favorites and I’ve always been one, and I know that. I also know I wouldn’t be immune if I did anything to rile her - I’d be out too. She is unethical, and unwilling to take input if it conflicts with her ideas.
On the flip side, she’s a charming and charismatic entrepreneur. She's rebuilt the school and its current reputation, and is rightly proud of it. But her disorganization and unethical behavior has caught up with her and we’ve been quietly (for now) investigated by the State Board of Education for almost six months. She’s a lot like Trump in the way she carries herself (except for being adept on social media) and firing loyal people if they don’t agree or if she perceives them to be disloyal, believing only her own narrative and calling all other versions of events lies, etc. A former parent/management guru was brought in to help restructure, and he promptly left after one semester to avoid the legal ramifications that are undoubtedly coming. That said, just this week we had an inspection that apparently went so well that things might be turning around, and the school won’t be closing as some have feared.
I have been preoccupied about all this for far longer than I realized. Since I absolutely love my day to day routine, and my students and the other teachers, I usually try to ignore the overall picture and just get on with my part of it. On paper I have my ideal job, but at the same time I’ve felt morally compromised for years, and this year has been the worst. A friend of mine filled in for the office manager, but wasn’t paid for October and November and finally stopped working because of it, and all we were told was that someone new was coming on staff. She hasn’t been officially fired, but wasn’t ever paid for those months, and she’s not alone in that; anyone who is temporary help gets treated like indentured servants. I know that two of the faculty were essentially let go for whistleblowing, which is illegal, but the Principal has so many connections, even friends in the teacher's union, and money for lawyers that I know these teachers don't have. It’s all so wrong, and especially painful since my actual role and position are perfect.
I know I'm probably over-simplifying this, but it comes down to is, do I stay? And if I stay, how do I make peace with that decision?
Signed,
Troubled Teacher
Dear Troubled Teacher,
WOWZA!!! You just delivered the mother load! First of all, thank you so much for being the first letter to ask for guidance on your current issue. It's such a complex issue, and one that I can imagine many people can relate to!
When I first read your letter, I felt so happy for you to have an experience at work that's so heartfelt, and in service to your community and life's work. It all sounded so beautiful and ideal! Then, when you started telling me about the school principal, I could feel anger rise in me and a thought of, "That's so not fair!" came roaring up. So, if I'm having that experience just reading your letter, I can only imagine how challenging it must feel for you and your colleagues!
I immediately wrote a response to you that included a lot of tools that you could use to process this. And, when that didn't feel quite right to me, I dropped down to a deeper place in my heart, and this is what I heard in regards to your situation:
You are trying to solve this issue on the mental level.
I hear how you have been weighing options in your head and continuously going over all the moving pieces, trying to figure it all out.
You will not solve this issue from that level.
My encouragement is that you instead drop down to your beautiful heart. That you stop engaging in the mind chatter of right and wrong, good and bad. That is ego thinking. And ego is where it sounds like the school principal is operating from.
It's imperative that you consciously make choices from the strength of your Soul.
Your Soul knows the way.
You may be wondering, "How do I do that?" Well, there are many ways to drop into that level, but here is what I am guided to offer you now:
Take a journal and write down an intention to go for your deepest level of healing, in service to your Peace and to gain Clarity.
Ask God/Spirit/Higher Power for assistance.
Give your hurt a voice (e.g. "I'm so angry! It's not fair, it hurts to watch the people I care about be mistreated!"). Allow any feelings that arise to come up and fully express themselves. Usually, if the anger is truly released, tears will flow.
Meet those feelings with genuine compassion and Love. You may even write back lovingly to the hurt.
Forgive yourself for all that you have judged about yourself, others, etc.
Create stillness through breath (meditation) for your answers to emerge from your heart.
Doing the emotional work first is important, as it's often difficult to hear the intuitive whisperings of the heart if it's clogged with unexpressed feelings of anger or upset.
In my years of work, I can tell you that it's actually quite common for people to attract workplace experiences that reflect their family of origin (childhood family) dynamics. From a Spiritual perspective, you are being given an opportunity to resolve those core curriculum issues, or heal those wounds for your Soul's learning and evolution. So, you may consider looking back there and asking yourself, "Does this dynamic echo anything about my childhood, or an earlier life experience of walking on eggshells?" If so, apply generous amounts of love to the place inside that got hurt and update any misunderstandings you may have made.
Also, consider that when we add our judgement to a toxic situation, we create an opening for that negativity or poison to enter our field of energy and ignite more suffering. So if that happens, immediately offer yourself Compassionate Self Forgiveness. Remember that you and your colleagues are all Divine Souls having a human experience, and that each one of you has what you need to effectively navigate this situation. Since everyone's learning is different, their choices may be too. It's important to give yourself and others the dignity of their own process.
I also hear that this is a real opportunity for you to practice Valuing your Self.
You may ask yourself daily, "If I were really valuing my heart today and my work right now, what choice would I be making?" One heart-centered choice, followed by another one, will lead you to the place that feels most honoring of you. And, when you honor your Heart, you honor all involved.
Lastly, I will share with you that when I have felt conflicted about a direction for my life, I have used prayer for guidance. I like to ask for "easily identifiable signs" that will guide me in the direction of my Heart. Trust the signs when they come, and then proceed with courage.
I hope this helped, Sweet Friend. I know you will find the answers and the healing.
I'm just so grateful you are shining that bright beautiful Light of yours in the world, and offering your Love to so many kids and friends on the planet! And, thank you for your generosity to bring this issue forward for more people's learning, healing and growth!
You're a true teacher! What a gift you are to us all!
Happy Healing and Blessings of Clarity, Peace, and Freedom Ahead,
Chausey
