Dear Giddy Giver,
Oh my gosh, Sweet Friend, I hear you! I really hear you! I used to struggle with this pattern a lot, and I've made many internal shifts so that I no longer attract this "taker" dynamic in my life.
I heard in your letter that you have some wonderful life-long friends, and that truly is a testament to your loving and caring heart. My Father used to say, "To have a good friend, you must be a good friend!" And, clearly you're a good friend to many!
It really stood out to me in your letter that as a little girl you wanted to be loved in a "spectacular" way, and that honestly touched my heart so deeply. I have such compassion for that beautiful angel girl that was craving that kind of grand Love.
The fact that you've already identified where this pattern of over giving originated is very helpful! So, I would encourage you to go inside and really connect with that beautiful little girl that is alive in you now.
One way I know to do this is through a non-dominant hand exercise:
If you're right handed, you would pick up a pen with your right hand and write a letter to your inner child, telling her you see her, you love her, and invite her to tell you what she needs. Then, with your non-dominant hand (left hand), let her respond. Do this without thinking about it, and just let the energy flow from her heart to yours. Really listen to her with love and give her the space to express any tears or deep feelings that may arise. Then, reply back (with your right hand) by authentically prizing that angel, letting her know that she will always fit in with you, that's she's precious, valuable, kind, wise, and loving. And that you will Love her in a SPECTACULAR way!
Perhaps you can even let her know that you'll be a Mama Bear to her now, and protect her from the takers (because she's the one that experiences the pain). You can remind her that she doesn't have to work that hard to experience Love. Actually, all she has to do to experience Love is to be Present in her Heart! It's that easy!
If you really want to shift this pattern in consciousness, Lovingly connect with your inner child for 33 consecutive days. You may only spend a few minutes a day with her, but it’s important to consistently connect with her from your Loving Heart. Remember that healing is the application of Love to the place inside that hurts. So pour loving into her!
Also know that if rejection has been the issue, then Acceptance is the lesson. So, Accept all parts of her, and then forgive yourself for any misunderstandings or judgments you may have made all those years ago.
The key to shifting this dynamic with your friends is to consistently stay connected to your heart. If a friend asks for something, or even if it's just your impulse to give, check in with yourself and ask: Where is this coming from? Is this a should? How do I really feel? Am I valuing myself? If I do this, will I feel used or drained? Be honest with yourself and lovingly say “no” when it honors you.
On the deepest level, this pattern may have underpinnings of over-responsibility. Many of us in the healing profession or those of us who are highly sensitive can have this pattern running.
The key to shift over-responsibility for others is simple: Trust.
Trust that The Universe/God/Higher Power has the bigger plan. Your job in the plan is to listen to your heart for guidance. And, Trust that each person is actually a Divine Soul who is using this human experience for learning; that they have what they need to effectively navigate their situation. You are not responsible for everyone. It's your responsibility to honor the guidance of your own Heart!
Remember, just because you can help, does not mean you have to, or even should. Trust your heart. It will send you a clear message of when to give! If you feel resentful or drained after giving, that's usually a good indication that you may be enabling, and that does not serve you, or your friend. Your "no" may be just what they need to build their own muscle to finally break out of their cocoon and fly. And, you'll be taking care of the friendship by being true to your own heart.
I hope this helps, Beautiful Friend! Please take sweet, loving, nurturing care of that precious little girl. I can feel her, and I tell you that I REALLY LOVE HER! She’s SO magnificent and special! I hope that angel gets a little teddy bear, or something cute and snuggly to wear that brightens her day! I know you have lots of friends who adore you, so she'll have plenty of play dates just by being in the ease of her heart!
And when your heart whispers "YES" to give, then do it with JOY! From my perspective, giving from the the heart (not the hurt) is THE BEST feeling in the world!
Sending you both Oceans of Loving and Light!
Chausey
